គំនូរផាត់ពណ៍មុខទាំងសងខាង/Color Drawing of Two-Sided Face

ខ្ញុំស្វែងរកដំណោះស្រាយ នៃការបាត់បងអតីតកាលដែលមិនអាចយកមកវិញបាន ប៉ះមនុស្សជាទីស្រលាញ់។ បទពិសោធន៍ដ៏តក់ស្លុតនៅតែលងបន្លាចខ្ញុំ។

I am mending the irretrievable loss of the past, to touch my loved ones. The traumatic experiences still haunt me. 

គំនូរផាត់ពណ៍មុខទាំងសងខាង 

មុខទាំងសងខាងរបស់ខ្ញុំ គឺតំណាងឲ្យស្ថានភាពសុខភាពផ្លូវចិត្តរបស់ខ្ញុំ។ នៅមួយចំហៀងនៃមុខរបស់ខ្ញុំបានបង្ហាញនូវស្នាមញញឹមដ៏រីករាយ និងស្ងប់ចិត្តចំពោះជីវិតដែលកំពុងរស់នៅក្នុងសហរដ្ឋអាមេរិច។  ឯមុខមួយចំហៀងទៀតកុំពុងតែបង្ហាញនូវស្នាមញញឹម (ភាពកើតទុក្ខ) ដែលកកជាប់ក្នុងពេលវេលា ដែលបានកន្លងផុតទៅនាពេលដែលខ្ញុំកុំពុងតែរងភាពតក់ស្លុតរន្ធត់ចំពោះការបាត់បង់ជីវិតរបស់អ្នកម្ដាយ ប្អូនប្រុសពីរនាក់ និងប្អូនស្រីពីរនាក់របស់ខ្ញុំនៅក្រោមស្នាដៃរបស់ឃាតកររបបប្រល័យពូជសាសន៍ខ្មែរក្រហមដ៏ឃោឃៅ។ កែវភ្នែកដែលដក់ជាំខ្មៅងងឹតហាក់បីដូចជាកំពុងរៀបរាប់នូវរឿងរ៉ាវដ៏សែនឈឺចាប់នៃការបាត់ បង់នូវសេចក្ដីទុកចិត្ត អស់សង្ឃឹមនៃភាពជាមនុស្ស។ វាពិតជាចំាបាច់ណាស់ដែលមុខទំាងសងខាងនេះត្រូវការ ការផ្សះផ្សារដើម្បីឲ្យភាពខុសគ្នាអាចជាសះស្បើយឡើងវិញហើយក៏អាចរកសេចក្តីស្ងប់ចិត្តនិងទទួលបាននូវសន្តិភាពក្នុងចិត្តជានិរន្តរ៍តរៀងទៅអើយ។

Color Drawing of Two-Sided Face

The two sides of my face represent my mental health condition. On one side, my face reveals a cheerful smile and a well-balanced contentment with life in America. The other side shows a smile frozen in time, traumatized by the horrific experience of losing my mother, two brothers, and two sisters at the hands of the Khmer Rouge genocide regime. The sunken dark eye reveals a painful story of disconnection from trust, hope, and humanity. There is a need to process and integrate these two divergent sides to reconcile, heal, find closure, and gain internal peace.

https://sigtrib.com/tag/un-invisible-project/  

Let It Go and Let It Flow?

                             Mekong River, Neak Loeung, Cambodia

Let It Go and Let It Flow? 

In Cambodia, based on my stay of over ten years (2008-2018) and subsequent visits (2019, 2022, 2023), I continue to see injustice, poverty, corruption, fear, intimidation, nepotism, impunity, immorality, oppression, wealth disparity, inequitable opportunity, economic inequality, social exploitation, environmental degradation, divisiveness, and structural violence that occur when social structures, institutions, and policies prevent people from meeting their basic human security needs (free from fear, want, and indignity).  I also observe a steep decline in the Buddhist religion. A significant number of monks across the country need to pay more attention to the teachings of Buddha in terms of discipline or code of conduct (Vinaya), morality, and the path to righteousness. Instead, almost everyone seems to be addicted to money (Sassana Dollar), power, status, and material possessions. What I witnessed in my homeland demoralized me and sent me into a feeling of despair and hopelessness—immobilized by a moral crisis. Caught between accepting and rejecting the harsh realities, I often ponder, “Should I let it go and let it flow?” - contemplating the Mekong River.

Remembrance and Justice in Cambodia - 49 Years after the Khmer Rouge Atrocities

Pictures taken at Wat Pudtamongkol

Remembrance and Official Day of Mourning April 17, 2024

Remembrance and Justice in Cambodia - 49 Years after the Khmer Rouge Atrocities

 

“… A society cannot know itself if it doesn't have an inaccurate memory of its own history.” 

- Youk Chhang, Director, The Documentation Center of Cambodia.

 Introduction

April 17, 1975, marked the end of one chapter and the beginning of another, signifying the total victory of the Khmer Rouge over the Khmer Republic, and the commencement of a period characterized by unimaginable pain, immense suffering, anger, and lasting grief— infamously known as "Khmer killing Khmer",  war crimes, mass atrocities, crimes against humanity, genocide and widespread devastation in Cambodia. On that pivotal day, the Khmer Rouge forces seized control of Phnom Penh, evacuating the city's residents hours later as part of their radical social engineering policies, forcibly relocating millions of people to rural areas in an attempt to create an agrarian utopia. Over the subsequent three years, eight months, and twenty days, the Khmer Rouge turned Cambodia back to  “Year Zero” which resulted in the deaths of approximately 2 million people, about a quarter of the country’s population,  through starvation, extrajudicial killings, forced labor, and disease. Among the deaths, were my mother, two brothers, and two sisters. They were forced to kneel at the edge of the mass grave while the Khmer Rouge cadres clubbed them on the back of their head with the hoe on 20 July 1977 at Commune Cheu Til Phlous, Village Cheyo,  District Chamkar Leu, Province Kompong Cham province. This date also symbolizes the commencement of the darkest chapter in Cambodian history, serving as a solemn day of mourning and remembrance for the countless lives lost and the enduring trauma inflicted upon all Cambodian people.

Remembrance and Buddhist Rituals

 

 Forty-nine years after the Khmer Rouge atrocities, I joined other fellow Cambodian elders and several young generations from the Killing Fields Memorial Center at Wat Pudtamongkol in Long Beach to “Remember victims of the Killing Fields on any April 17 rain or shine” (Killing Fields Memorial Center’s mission). This gathering provided a platform for survivors to speak openly and share their individual stories and the issues they have faced due to the enduring legacy of the Khmer Rouge. Commemorating this significant date is not merely about paying tribute to the countless lives lost in the Killing Fields; it also serves as a deep reflection on the profound destruction inflicted upon Cambodia's infrastructure and foundation – schools, banks, and telecommunications were shut down,  and social fabric, familial structures, and religious practices were destroyed. These social and emotional wounds have left an indelible mark on the collective psyche of the Cambodian people, creating a lasting and profound impact on both the nation and its people. It is important for the Cambodian community that the lessons of the genocide must not be forgotten.

 

The majority of Cambodians practice Theravada Buddhism with a common saying asserting “To be Khmer is to be Buddhist”. This belief system has played a significant role in offering hope, resilience, solace, and healing to survivors of the Khmer Rouge regime.  The core teachings of Buddha center on suffering, impermanence, compassion, and the path to liberation from suffering – providing a framework for understanding trauma and finding inner peace. 

 

The commemoration ceremony began with the lighting of candles, burning incense at an altar, and offerings to the monks.  Following the three bows to Buddha statues, and three to the monks, Lok Ta Achar, the elder officiant or facilitator, directed participants to make offerings (រតនបូជា) and pay homage to the Buddha, Dhamma, Sangha (ពទ្ធរតនបណាមធម្មរតនបណាម សង្ឃរតនបណាម) and the Triple Gems (ថ្វាយបង្គំរតនត្រ័យសង្ខេប).  Ta Achar then guided our attention to the monks who administered the Five Precepts ceremony (សមាទាន និច្ចសីល- សិលប្រាំ), delivered a sermon (អារាធនាព្រះសង្សចំរើន ព្រះបរិត្ត) on Buddha’s teachings, and expounded on the practice of meditation (អារាធនាធម្មធិកសម្តែងធម៌ទេសនា -សមាធិ). Participants were asked to practice samadhi to be in the moment – sit comfortably and calmly focus on each incoming and outgoing breath for five minutes.  Additionally, the monks performed Bangsokol (បង្សុកូល) – a Buddhist rite of passage that accompanies Cambodian funeral rites aiding the spirits of the dead into the next life.

 

After offering food and almsgiving (វេរចង្ហាន់ រាប់បាត្រ), the monks bestowed blessings upon the participants. To conclude the Buddhist Rituals, attendees dedicated merit to deceased relatives, and all sentient beings, praying that the benefits of their good deeds would extend to others. This gathering, blending religious observances with social services, provided practical assistance and emotional support to the survivors. May the merits accrued be shared with all beings, whether human or nonhuman, visible or invisible, distant or near. May the souls of the two million people who perished under the Khmer Rouge find solace.

 

Memory, Justice, and Searching for the Truth

 

As I look back forty-nine years after the Khmer Rouge atrocities, it is evident that time doesn't heal all wounds and grief. Many survivors I met still carry pain, suffering, and generational trauma. The haunting memories of the Killing Fields continue to dominate the minds and the behavior of the survivors who endured unspeakable horrors.  Many of the emotional and psychological wounds inflicted by these atrocities remained unhealed. Dr. David Kenzie, Professor of Psychiatry, at Oregon Health Sciences University, who treated severely traumatized Cambodian refugee patients with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) affirmed that “The patients are often numb, or focused on somatic or other symptoms an effort to avoid the past. It is a wound that does not heal”.

 

The Extraordinary Chambers in the Courts of Cambodia (ECCC), also known as the Khmer Rouge Tribunal (KRT), concluded its official work on September 22, 2022, sentencing the only surviving top leader, Khieu Samphan, aged 93, to life in prison. After 16 years and $337 million, resulting in just 3 convictions (the other two convicts Noun Chea passed away on August 4, 2019, and Kaing Guek Eav also known as Duch died on September 2, 2020) one may question the worth of the tribunal in delivering justice, uncovering the truth, and achieving genuine national reconciliation. Furthermore, while only three Khmer Rouge leaders were legally held accountable, numerous Khmer Rouge cadres who were directly ordered or participated in stabbing children, beating people to death, starving them randomly, and denying medical help to the injured have been allowed to live freely in the same village as the victims. This freedom has been granted, often without consequences, by the former Khmer Rouge defectors and a seemingly indifferent UN court. The top Khmer Rouge leader Pol Pot, a paranoid and a  megalomaniac, was the mastermind behind the carnage and bore primary responsibility for the destruction of Cambodia. He did not face justice as he passed away in 1998, and some other senior Khmer Rouge leaders died before they could be brought to trial.

 

Furthermore, the agreement establishing the ECCC, a collaboration between international and government entities, limited its jurisdiction to the highest-ranking Khmer Rouge leaders primarily responsible for crimes from 1975 to 1979. This focus on addressing the most egregious atrocities came at the expense of disregarding the origins and aftermath of the Khmer Rouge era, including the 1970 military coup, U.S.-led bombing, and subsequent Vietnamese occupation. The vast majority of Khmer Rouge members implicated in and supporting these atrocities have yet to face accountability for their actions. Consequently, the failure to fully address the causes and consequences of the Khmer Rouge period perpetuates division within Cambodia. While Khmer Rouge defectors and current leaders commemorate January 7th, 1979, as the liberation of the Killing Fields and a second rebirth, many other Cambodians perceive the date as one of bitterness—the bitterness of the Vietnamese occupation of Cambodia from 1979 to 1989.

 

Survivors’ Four Distinct Attitudes

Based on my extensive interaction with the victims in Cambodia and abroad, survivors of the Khmer Rouge regime often display complex and varied emotions regarding the enduring pain and suffering they experienced. These feelings can be categorized into four distinct attitudes:

1.   Forgive and Forget: Some adopt an attitude of acceptance, believing that "what's done is done." This perspective aligns with the government's position, as articulated by Former Prime Minister and Former Khmer Rouge Military Commander Hun Sen on December 25, 1998, urging to "dig a hole and bury the past."

2.   Forgive but Not Forget: Another stance involves forgiveness without necessarily forgetting. It avoids retribution and punishment, instead trusting in Kamma to dispense justice.

3.   Not Forgive but Forget: For some survivors, there's a focus on retribution, individual accountability, and punishment. This attitude may involve suppressing memories and numbing feelings to alleviate ongoing suffering.

4.   Not Forgive and Not Forget: Lastly, some adamantly refuse to forgive or forget. They advocate for retribution, adherence to the rule of law, and holding individuals accountable. This perspective emphasizes the importance of justice and truth, viewing them as essential rights of the victims and survivors. It asserts that lasting peace and national reconciliation can only be achieved through comprehensive justice and truth, which extends beyond the interests of the state and international bodies like the UN.

 

Conclusion: Never Forget, Never Forgive, Never Again.

 

In Cambodia, the pursuit of justice and truth is not solely the responsibility of the state and international courts like the UN. Rather, it belongs fundamentally to the victims and survivors of the Khmer Rouge regime. Their voices, experiences, and quest for accountability are paramount for genuine reconciliation and finding closure. Remaining silent is not an option when injustice rules and the truth still needs to be uncovered.

 

As I departed Wat Pudtamongkol, I found consolation in the belief that kamma might ultimately deliver justice where the Khmer Rouge Tribunal fell short. The memory of April 17, 1975, remains ingrained in my mind as a powerful reminder: Never Forget, Never Forgive, Never Again.

 

 

 

References 

 

David Kenzie, professor of psychiatry, Oregon Health Sciences University, and Jenelle Fleck, Psychiatrist nurse practitioner at Oregon Health Sciences University Psychotherapy with Severely Traumatized Refugees, American Journal of Psychotherapy, Vol. XLI, No2, January 1987.

 

DC-CAM: https://www.dccam.org/

 

ECCC: https://www.eccc.gov.kh/en

 

Erika Pinenos, March 5, 2023, When Transitional Justice Falls Short https://foreignpolicy.com/2023/03/05/transitional-justice-cambodia-colombia-khmer-rouge-tribunal/

 

Human Rights Watch, Cambodia: Khmer Rouge Convictions ‘Too Little, Too Late' https://www.hrw.org/news/2014/08/08/cambodia-khmer-rouge-convictions-too-little-too-late

 

Nicole Cochran, Andrew Wells-Dang, October 3, 2022, Never Again? The Legacy of Cambodia’s Khmer Rouge Trials, https://www.usip.org/publications/2022/10/never-again-legacy-cambodias-khmer-rouge-trials  

 

Seth Mydans, December 29, 1998, CAMBODIAN LEADER RESISTS PUNISHING TOP KHMER ROUGE, https://www.nytimes.com/1998/12/29/world/cambodian-leader-resists-punishing-top-khmer-rouge.html

 

Birthday Introspection

Birthday Wishes from Children at Koh Kel

Birthday Introspection

 
As time passes, I wholeheartedly want to express my Kataññu-Katavedi (gratitude and humility) to my respectful father, Lok Ta, and my admirable mother, Neak Dai, for bringing me into this world and raising me.
 
As time passes, I am not much to look at now. My face has so many wrinkles. My knees have scars from the surgery. My eyes are sunken in. My physical health is deteriorating, and my mental state is worsening.

As time passes, I discover that I am my true enemy.
 
As time passes, I struggle to live in the present - from moment to moment.
 
As time passes, I accept life's complex and unavoidable truths, including aging, sickness, mortality, loss, and accountability for my actions.
 
As time passes, I realize that good never comes from force.
 
As time passes, I make the best use of my time to learn Dhamma and practice Vipassana daily—to experience reality as it is.
 
As time passes, I must fight my battles and achieve my salvation.
 
As time passes, I realize that respect and merit cannot be bought. People have to earn them.
 
As time passes, I realize life is more about giving than receiving. My heart doesn't feel right unless I know all the Cambodian children get an equitable quality education.
 
As time passes, I understand that the primary difference between the rich and the poor is the opportunity available rather than the ability.
 
As time passes, I feel grateful for everything that has happened to me — good and bad.
 
As time passes, I learn to be content with myself rather than what I do or have.
 
As time passes, I better understand my purpose in life -serving others and contributing to society.
 
As time passes, I learn to appreciate the value of things money can't buy.
 
As time passes, I learn to walk around the hole instead of falling into it repeatedly.
 
As time passes, genuine change in my homeland occurs when people are educated and empowered to express themselves without fear and oppression.
 
As time passes, genuine development thrives when leaders prioritize the power of love over the love of power.
 
As time passes, I often write about myself because I am the subject I know best.
  
As time passes, I choose to have inner peace rather than wealth.
 
As time passes, I choose time over money.
 
As time passes, the real treasures I cherish are the smiles and laughter shared with loved ones, friends, and strangers.
 
As time passes, I refuse to go against my values.
 
As time passes, I realize that time doesn't heal all wounds and grief. I can't stop thinking of the butchering of my mother, two brothers, and two sisters by the Khmer Rouge perpetrators. A part of me has died.
 
As time passes, I am convinced that without justice and truth, there is no lasting peace and genuine reconciliation.
 
As time passes, I focus the last chapter of my life on being rather than doing and having.
 
As time passes, I learn to accept the flow of life just like the sun will come up and the sun will go down.
 
As time passes, I understand life's impermanence better —the arising (samudaya) and the passing away (vaya) of pleasant or unpleasant sensations.
 
As time passes, I choose to live simply, act wisely, care deeply, speak kindly, love generously, and teach compassionately.
 
As time passes, I always have faith in finding what and who I am - principled, authentic, and thoughtful.
 
As time passes, I choose only to speak the truth and face reality as it is.
 

លោកប៉ារបស់ខ្ញុំ

April 17, 1975 and Definition of Living

Pictures taken at the pagoda Pudtamonkol

Remembering the Tragedy of Killing Fields

April 17, 1975 is a day of remembrance of the suffering of all Cambodian people who lost their families, relatives, friends and compatriots during the Pol Pot’s brutal regime. Monks conduct Bangsokol and survivors pay tribute to them at pagoda Pudtamonkol. With the severity of the crimes – the crimes of all crimes – many victims will never forget and will never forgive the Khmer Rouge murderers. Cambodia shouldn’t “bury the past” and those perpetrators should be held accountable for their crimes. 

Forty-eight years later, as I look back, I realize that time does not wait for anyone. I often ask myself what is my definition of living (a meaningful life)? Is living my day-to-day experience fit my definition of living? With the education, knowledge, and training I have, I can't close my eye and pretend I am blind; I can't close my mouth and pretend I am dumb; I can’t close my ear and pretend I am deaf against so much injustice, cruelty, and insatiable greed of political leaders. 

Let me share what really trouble me: “My mother along with two brothers and two sisters are dead while many of the Khmer Rouge cadres who ordered and engaged in stabbing children, killing and beating people to death, starving them, and denying them medical help, are living freely under the pseudonym of peace and reconciliation”. Is Karma erroneous? How could this callousness, brutality, cruelty, inhumanity and injustice occur? What happened to the rule of law? What happened to the Extraordinary Chambers in the Courts of Cambodia (ECCC) known as the Khmer Rouge Tribunal? Afterspending US$337 million, 16 years and mired in claims of political interference, only three Khmer Rouge leaders had been sentenced. To date, only Khieu Samphan, 92, Chief of State, is serving life sentence brings to account for all the suffering the Khmer Rouge caused, while convicted Khmer Rouge’s No. 2 leader and chief ideologist Nuon Chea died in 2019 at the age of 93, and convicted Prison chief Kaing Guek Eav, known as Duch, died in 2020 at age 77 while serving a life sentence.

I realize there simply is no adequate answer. These questions call for a response. My definition of living is to find justice and uncover the truth for the death of my mother, two brothers, and two sisters (even if I have to do this alone). Without justice and truth, there can be no real reconciliation and genuine peace.

In the Struggle for Preserving Cultural Identity - Words Matter

Pictures Taken at City of Long Beach on March 7, 2023 and March 21, 2023

Sixth District Councilwoman of Long Beach Suely Saro has made, what I feel, is a callous calculated political decision. She with her supporters wish to change “Chol Chanam Thmei” (Khmer New Year) to “Sangkranta” in the name of inclusion at the cost of Cambodian exclusion – to align with the celebration of Thai and Laotian communities. To set the record straight, “Chol Chnam Thmei” has been the traditional and popular description of the Khmer New Year for many generations while “Sangkranta” is the first day of the Khmer New Year. Keeping the original words “Chol Chnam Thmei” allows us to maintain Cambodian tradition and preserve our unique and authentic culture. Her unilateral decision to adopt the word “Sangkranta”, while well-meaning, does not address the majority of the community voices and the elders’ concerns about loss of cultural identity, has major ramifications for our Khmer community in Long Beach. Besides dividing the community and affecting the younger generation, this change anguish the elders deeply and confuse many.

After living though unimaginable atrocities of the Killing Fields, many Cambodians are still haunted by the deep mental and emotional damage of war. We are also traumatized by sensing that our culture is being blended into a melting pot of inclusiveness and losing its unique identity. This cultural vulnerability has been part of our identity and survival. Dr. David Kinzie Professor of Psychiatry, clinician, and researcher at Oregon Health and Science University, found that “the treatment of severely traumatized Cambodian refugees is a difficult task. Through an understanding of the patient's culture and the posttraumatic stress disorder, the author recommends several treatment approaches. These include: supportive long-term therapy, case management, reinforcing traditional values, socialization group therapy, and specific medication. Through a sensitive, flexible approach, the Western practitioner can greatly reduce the suffering of these patients” (David Kinzie, J. Therapeutic approaches to traumatized Cambodian refugees. J Trauma Stress 2, 75–91 (1989). 

The manifestation of the historical trauma, the recurring nightmares and the exacerbation of losing our cultural identitycontinue to haunt us, even decades after the dissolution of the Khmer Rouge regime.  After studying specific stressful factors associated with Cambodian refugees and their vulnerability to pathology from a sociological constructivist framework, Cambodian medical sociologist Dr. Leakhena Nou found the Khmer stress process to be a complex phenomenon influenced by various social, cultural, environmental, historical, and political factors that subject the Cambodian people to pathology and adjustment difficulties. This complicated context influences respondents' perceptions of several important stressors (negative life events and daily hassles) that are related to the effects of the Khmer Rouge and resettlement difficulties, including such examples as lack of trust among Cambodians, destruction of Khmer culture and identity, the existence of social injustice and corruption in Cambodian society, feeling socially outcast and without a sense of belonging in the United States, and lacking education and the basic resources for survival (Nou, L. (2006) A qualitative examination of the psychosocial adjustment of Khmer refugees in three Massachusetts communities. Occasional papers, Institute for Asian American Studies. Boston: University of Massachusetts). 

 

Forty-four years after the Cambodian mass atrocity, while the people of Cambodia experienced unthinkable trauma, the rest of the world did little to help. It seemed to me like nobody knew and nobody care about Cambodia. Now while the City Council of Long Beach voted unanimously (7-0) in favor of recognition of “Long Beach Sangkranta 2023”, the Vice Mayor and other six City Council Officials were unaware of the harmful feelings of many Cambodia elders. In a public forum at the City of Long Beach on March 7, 2023 and March 21, 2023 more than forty elders made our voices heard – loud and clear – that the deconstruction of the Cambodian National identity since ancient times and resettlement in the U.S. in the mid 1970s has no place in our community. 

 

One centenarian Cambodian lady reminded the Mayor and other the City Council Officials of Long Beach openly and succinctly about the gravity of her deep trauma: “I rather die than losing my culture”. It is clear that this change has struck a chord – Words Matter. Cultural Identity Matter Most to the Cambodian Elders.